Whoa, heavy topic coming through. Be prepared, but honestly I feel like this one is long overdue, especially as me and my husband continue our family and planning and as we try to have a baby.
*This post will also get a little personal, if you are not comfortable talking about the process of trying for a baby just pass over this one.*
We’ve been trying for a few months now, which is not super long but also long enough to learn some things I had never known before and also feel that bitter disappointment when you get a negative test. But honestly, there are so many things that come into family planning, and no one seems to talk about that side of things. It would of seriously made the beginning of our journey so much better if we had known these things beforehand. And it’s tough, especially just starting out because you just don’t know. So here are some things that no one told me, or talked about, when we started trying. The best and the worst of it all.
- People will shame you for being honest; as soon as I told my family we were trying for a baby I got those disapproving stares. The kind where it’s like, why are you even telling me this? You aren’t actually pregnant. When I was told we should have kids I said responded with “that’s the plan” my mom was the first one to tell me how dumb that was which leads into my second point right away. But honestly, wether you want to let people know or not is totally up to you. Personally, I like having a certain amount of honesty, what’s the point of even hiding it? I am not ashamed I want a baby, I am not ashamed that we made this decision to try. And honestly it’s a big step, sometimes simply talking about things can really help.
- People are going to tell you the worst things; going off that last point, after my mom told me how stupid it was to tell people we are trying, she went into to tell me “well, what if you never have any children, you could have to adopt.” Like, gee thanks for that, because that is exactly what I needed to hear. But ignore anyone who says stuff like that to you. Especially in our case when we just started out, there is no reason someone needs to give you that fear and adding to your stress.
- Don’t use lube; um say what?! Yeah, I was super shocked about this one and could not believe it. While it seemed like common sense after the fact, it just did not occur to us maybe we shouldn’t be using anything extra. Traditional lubes can act as a block or barrier and not allow sperm to pass. Try to get a little creative instead so you don’t need the lube, or if you truly need it try an alternative method. They make special lube to help aid sperm or natural oils (like olive oil) can work just as well and will not act as a barrier. Seriously, this was one tip that had me hitting my head on my hand when I learned.
- It can be super fun; okay so we all know that most sites and blogs will warn you that trying can make you hate sex, especially having to do it so often or if you just overdo it in general. But they also don’t tell you that it can be even more fun, as well as having an added closeness to your partner. Yeah, honestly you could get tired of it, but you could also just enjoy the frequency and mix it up a bit as well. There isn’t really a reasoning for this, other than having a goal in mind can definitely change sex for you.
- Everyone else will conceive long before you do; sad, but honestly so true. Maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s just my particular social medias but pretty much everyone I know is pregnant. I am not even kidding in the slightest. It just happens, especially if you are friends with a ton of girls your age. If you’re at an age you feel ready than chances are so is everyone else. And while this can be a bit of a bummer, it’s just how it goes. And chances are, they had to do their fair share of waiting for it to happen as well.
- It’s a huge waiting game; movies always show it as “Oh? Maybe I should take a test!” or somehow the woman didn’t realize she was pregnant until she actually got symptoms. But truth be told, if you are trying you know your cycle like the back of your hand. So you are literally just wanting until it’s the right time to test, or until your period comes. Especially in the early months of trying. But if you’re trying chances are you aren’t going to forget when your period comes and you certainly won’t be waiting until you start barfing or your boobs hurt to actually test. (Yes, I am so throwing shade at the movie What To Expect When You’re Expecting because come on, how am I supposed to believe that a woman who had an app to say when she was exactly ovulating wouldn’t notice her period being late by a few weeks?)
- People will tell you super nice things; my sister would really help out when I was upset. She would tell me that these things take time and it will happen when it’s right. Which at the time did not help, but after I calmed down I realized that she is right. And I have been on birth control and that definitely messed up my cycle as well. But she was really helpful and got me back on track. While it might not seem like it at the time, it really can be and it will also ground back onto your focus.
- In the end, it’s all worth it; trying can be one of the most difficult times in life, but it’s also so worth it. Eventually, you will get there. Maybe it takes years, maybe it’ll happen soon. Maybe it will never happen and we do end up adopting. But either way we move forward in life and get one more step closer to our family planning. Either that or I talk my husband into yet another cat.
Hopefully something on this list prepares you, I would have loved a heads up before we started. And just remember if you are in the same boat that I am in, it does indeed take time. Though it doesn’t seem like it for others, it does and it’s just going to happen when it happens. Keep out the negatives, keep stress levels low (I know, this one is so hard for me ugh) and just keep trying. It can be so scary, truly it can, but instead of focusing on the fear look forward to what is to come. However scary it will be, life is progressing. It won’t always go how we like, that’s for sure, but it’s still better than sitting still.
If you like this post and want more of this journey and real stuff just comment below. I love to share my journeys with others in hopes that it can also help out other people.